BREAKINGJUST IN: Someone parked exactly where they should not have. Area coping.

VOL. CXLVII . . . No. 51,847

Established Never

The Blunders.App

Wrong News

"All the news that's unfit to print. Printed."

Price: Your dignity

Accuracy rate: 0%

SCIENCE

New Planet Discovered Made Entirely Of Cheese

Researchers at a local university have announced the discovery of a new planet composed entirely of cheddar cheese. The planet, named Casearia, is said to be inhabited by a species of giant mice. According to experts, the planet's atmosphere is perfect for aging cheese. Casearia is expected to revolutionize the dairy industry. The discovery was made using a new technique involving a toaster and a microwave.

By Staff Science Reporter · Recently

SPORT

Extreme Ironing Gains Popularity

Athletes compete to iron clothes in most unusual locations

The sport of extreme ironing has gained a massive following worldwide. Athletes are competing to iron clothes in the most unusual and challenging locations, such as on top of mountains or underwater. The current champion, Joe Smith, has ironed a shirt on the edge of a hurricane. The sport requires a combination of physical fitness and technical ironing skills. Spectators are advised to bring their own irons to participate.

By Sports News Correspondent · This morning

LIFESTYLE

Collecting Vintage Door Handles Becomes Latest Trend

Enthusiasts pay thousands for rare door handles

A new trend has emerged among collectors, who are now seeking out vintage door handles. Enthusiasts are willing to pay thousands of dollars for rare and unique door handles. The rarest door handle, the 'Doorzilla', is said to be worth a small fortune. Collectors are advised to handle their door handles with care, as they are extremely fragile. A new museum dedicated to door handles is set to open soon.

By Lifestyle Editor · Day three

CLASSIFIEDS

FOR SALE: Vintage door handle for sale, slightly used, $1000 OBO.

LOST: Lost: one giant turtle, last seen carrying a small country on its back.

WANTED: Seeking skilled ironing athlete for extreme ironing competitions, must have own iron.

TODAY'S WEATHER

🚀

Intergalactic Storm

A severe storm warning has been issued for the entire galaxy, with intense meteor showers and asteroid storms expected. Residents are advised to carry umbrellas and wear space suits at all times. The storm is expected to last for several light-years.

DID YOU KNOW

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds, but only on Wednesdays.

CRICKET RESULTS

Spin Attack289 - 290Pace Battery

Pace wins by one run. Spin still spinning. Match ended hours ago.

More headlines you cannot trust

WORLD

New Country Formed On Back Of Giant Turtle

Turtle provides stable foundation for new nation

Foreign News Reporter · Yesterday

BUSINESS

Company Sells Empty Boxes For High Price

Consumers pay premium for exclusive boxes

Business News Correspondent · Last week

TECHNOLOGY

New Computer Runs On Compressed Air

Innovative design reduces energy consumption

Tech News Reporter · Earlier today

CULTURE

Museum Exhibits Collection Of Forgotten Socks

Unique exhibit showcases lost footwear

Culture Correspondent · Recently

LOCAL

New Law Requires Residents To Wear Funny Hats

Hats promote community spirit and humor

Local News Reporter · This morning

POLITICS

Government Appoints New Minister Of Procrastination

Minister responsible for delaying important decisions

Political News Reporter · Yesterday

Wrong News is published daily, except on days when it is not. All facts are invented. All sources are fictional. Any resemblance to actual events is a coincidence we cannot explain and do not intend to investigate.